twigsmom06's Xanga

Mi Vida Loca

Wed, 29 Jul 2009 01:14:03 GMT

So it's been a while since I last blogged. Life has been a bit crazy but yet fun at the same time. First of July we headed for Oklahoma City and Kansas to visit relatives. Princess TWIG wanted to see the elephants at the zoo in OKC since Mom and some of the girls who work in the nursery at church had her convinced there were elephants upstairs one Sunday morning. There do happen to be elephants painted on the wall but they were not the ones we were referring to that day. The elephants from the OKC zoo were in Tulsa for a new exhibit so we did not get to see elephants on our trip . From OKC we went to Arkansas City, KS to see my dad's brother's wife and some of my cousins. We only spent one night there and then headed to Beloit, KS to see my dad's sister. While in Beloit, we caught lightning bugs at the campground (the city park), swam in the baby pool and went to church with Uncle Bill and Aunt Lila. We got home a few days before VBS started at church. Princess TWIG played in the nursery during VBS but had a great time painting pictures and going to sing. This week is Music Camp for the older kids so again she is in the nursery but seems to be having a good time.

Mom had a good time on vacation and did not want to come back to reality. Mom's work has been lax lately as she is only getting scheduled about 10 hours a week. This does not pay the bills very well. So Mom is looking for something but staying where she is and mentioned that she wanted/needed more hours. We will see what happens there. Plus Mom and Princess TWIG are gearing up for the school year. Princess TWIG will be going to Children's Day Out 3 days a week this year. Mom is taking 12 hours and hopes to finish with an Associate's in Business Office Technology in May of 2012 (if she keeps taking a full load of classes).

Sunday, May 03, 2009

Sun, 03 May 2009 23:19:46 GMT

Have you ever had friends who were your best friend until something monumental like marriage or a new baby came along? I have a friend who is a few years younger than I am who I thought was my best friend. I got married but still made time to keep in touch with my friends who were not in the same town I lived in. I had a baby and still try to keep in touch with friends. Said friend had a birthday recently and we have kind of lost touch due to marriage and my child but I called to wish her a happy birthday. I have not heard one word from her. I guess we have really lost touch now. I don't like that fact because I do not have too many friends to hang out and do things with because of the fact that marriage, children, or moving away play into the picture.

I am also a bit down because I have had my hours cut severely due to "not having a very high percent to trans" which translates into not selling enough of the items in the retail store at work. So until my hours come back up I am only going to work. I am not eating at the establishment nor am I going to purchase retail items. The economy is horrible and we should be lucky that people are even entering our establishment to eat or look around. Plus, I am not a shopper who likes someone looking over my shoulder and constantly asking if I am finding everything ok or if I need any help.

On a positive note though, I am going to take a class during the first session of summer school and I am taking nine credit hours of classes in the fall. All at the Community College but hey it's a step in the right direction toward a degree.

Long Time

Thu, 05 Mar 2009 03:32:38 GMT

I know it has been a long time since I blogged. Life has been interesting. I looked for a job then I decided to stay where I am. I am kind of seeing someone. Plus with Miss Twig my life has been fun and interesting.

Stuff

Fri, 09 May 2008 01:59:09 GMT

My life continues to be crazy but hopefully some things just got easier! We went to court in zozo today and i think we are finally going to get an order written up to sign and agree to. Mr X was not even there!

School is over for the semester. I think I passed all of my classes and I am still not sure if I am going to take more classes at the moment.

Work is kind of kicking my butt but I am trying to stay positive and stay with it. I went back to Cracker Barrel as a Cashier. They are trying to push us to sell the items in the store but with the economy that is hard to do. Plus people are not always interested in the target items of the day. All I can do is try but I don't always feel like it.

HAPPY SUMMER!!! or at least Summer Vacation (to those not taking summer classes)

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Sat, 26 Apr 2008 01:41:00 GMT

Where to start?

Life is ok I guess. I quit my city job a few weeks ago and I am now working back at Cracker Barrel as the opening cashier (I have to be at work at 5:45 AM!!!)

School is winding down. YEA! Not sure if I am taking summer classes or classes next semester yet or not.

Stuff is the same. We go to court for a hearing on the 8th of May. Please pray! Thanks

Hope all is well with all of you

~i~

Life and Sad & Lonely

Sat, 29 Mar 2008 03:07:06 GMT

As I sit here and type I am sad and lonely because I thought I was coming to Ruidoso for a "reunion" of sorts and a grand opening of a youth building but found out that the grand opening had been postponed. I am saddened.

I am also sad because my TWIG is up here with her "father" this weekend. I agreed that he could have her week after next for his spring break. I am going to be very sad without her for a week. Why does life have to be so complicated?

I also don't know that I will accept a position in Carlsbad even though I wish I could prove to myself and others that I can handle TWIG without help but life isn't meant to be that way right now I guess.

GRRRR!

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 02:01:41 GMT

Is life ever going to return to "normal"?

I applied for jobs last week and one of them happens to be in Carlsbad, New Mexico. It is a few hours away from here but to me it would be a brand new start. My mom says have you looked at rent, daycare, utilities? I can't find rent prices on the web. She says it's probably going to cost $500/month for daycare. I know this but my word I want a new start and I need a job that is going to be permanent and bring benefits.

I am getting worn out at my current job and I don't have the energy to deal with TWIG when I get home plus she has become a 2 year old! She fights going to bed and I don't put her to bed right and all sorts of other stuff from the 'rents. I still feel like a horrible person some days. I don't spend enough time with my daughter as it is and I like to cuddle with her before bed and I get lectured because she falls asleep in my bed, plus sometimes we are watching tv. I don't ever get to relax anymore. Nor do I really have time or energy to get anything done at home that needs to be done.

I also told my supervisor at the temp agency my feelings and told her I needed something with benefits. Well the temp agency has benefits but they are changing companies or something so ... I am still waiting to see what they offer so I can decide if I want their benefits.

Is my life ever going to return to any form of "normal'?

Lectures

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 23:08:15 GMT

Seems like all I get at home anymore is lectures. Dad is lecturing me about spending money and says if I can afford the luxuries then maybe he ought to make me start paying the attorney. I don't think so.

Plus I don't get to eat all day at work some days because it takes time out of reading and if I don't read quota I get lectured there. I had too many skips on a route last week and got lectured. Well, I couldn't find the meters or the gates were locked and I couldn't read through the fence.

I am yet again feeling like I can't do anything to suit anyone including TWIG. She hardly ever comes to me for anything anymore and when she does she doesn't stay. But who gets up with her at night? If I could stay home all day with her if I could, but I can't. Yes the days she doesn't go to school she is with my parents but still. I feel like I take advantage of them sometimes too. I don't have any ME time anymore except for when I am at work or on my way to or from school. It feels like I go to work, come home, go to school, come home, go to bed and start all over again the next day.

Needing to Feel Wanted or Needed

Tue, 08 Jan 2008 03:50:36 GMT

Do you ever have the feeling you are not wanted or needed somewhere? How do you feel when this happens?

There are places or people I feel who need me or want me and then there are those that I feel don't want or need me. One of the places that I feel I need is work but after getting lectured today for having a total of 20 errors on two cycles I don't know how badly I am wanted or needed. I am just barely on my own at work and some of the gas meters are difficult to read even at close range, but I am trying to do the best job that I can and stay on the good list.

Tonight I went to a thing called reunion group. It is an accountability group for people after they have attended a Walk to Emmaus Go Here for more info: http://www.emmaus.org . They also hold similar events for teens and college age called a Chrysalis. That is what I attended but anyway, I went to the reunion group at a neighbors home tonight because we were supposed to be making agape for upcoming Walks and Chrysalis events. The neighbors have been great friends as long as I have known them but tonight from the time I arrived I felt a bit out of place. This was also the same house I went to New Year's Eve (but anyway). None of the people in the group are single parents of young children like me, I am the youngest person in the group. I just feel really out of place. I have not been to reunion group since the middle of last fall because of my class schedule but went tonight because I did not have class or anywhere else I wanted to be. I say anywhere I wanted to be because I was told of a meeting at church that was to be held tonight at noon yesterday. I need a little more planning than 18 hours. With work and needing/wanting my TWIG time, I chose to go to the other activity where I could take TWIG. Plus "child care could be available for the Children's Council meeting", I did not know for sure if I would have child care for TWIG.

My life is crazy now but is soon to get crazier I think. My aunt and uncle are travelling for medical purposes in the next few weeks and I/we are taking care of their dogs while they are gone. Prayers would be appreciated for them as they travel.

The Missing Piece

Sun, 06 Jan 2008 21:20:00 GMT

What do you think when you are working on a jigsaw puzzle and you get to the last piece but you don't have it? This is kind of what I have been feeling like lately. I don't really feel like I fit anywhere anymore. My "so called" friends don't hang out with me anymore. I have a few friends who actually call me back and try to include me with stuff, but I don't have the close knit group that I used to have to hang out with.

Things have not been the greatest for me over the last few years. I made a big mistake a few years ago and I regret some of what I have done but for other reasons I am happy. I have a beautiful blessing but the weekends she is with Mr. X I totally miss her. I call to check on her and can't get ahold of him to even be able to check on her. Then when I get ahold of him he always says she is good. Last night when I asked to talk to her I talked to total silence.

Last night I also wanted to hang out with friends and have someone to vent my worries too and I called a SCF (so called friend). I called another friend who called me today and said she had been out of town but I am still waiting to hear from SCF.

Things at home have also not been really great lately either. My mom got a new car and I went with her to take stuff to the dealership. I asked a car dealer what the difference between two cars was and he told me $7,000 and gas milage so I made up my mind what kind of a car I want when I can afford to get one. We got home and I told my dad and he asked when I was going to start saving money. Why is it all about money!?

I figured up a budget today and I am going to start saving my money so I can get a car hopefully sooner than later!

I can't wait until 6 PM tonight! I will get my precious miracle back!

I wish I could get another job so I can pay off what debts I have and could get my new car now!